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Disney, take my money…please!!!!

In my house, we have a two-year-old girl whose very first passion was, Elsa! Anna! Elsa!  To say that we want to watch Frozen Fever is to say we want ice cream and cookies and walks and dolls.  OF COURSE, we want Frozen Fever.  Like 6 days after Baby Girl learned to ask for Elsa, we wanted Frozen Fever.  For the love all that is holy, we want a video that doesn’t come with Let It Go.

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Now, we love Let It Go.  Me and the four-year-old know every word.  It’s fun to sing as a family.  Baby girl pipes in when she can and it’s adorable.  Irritating beyond belief, but adorable.  I heard it four times today.  Four!  Baby girl only likes the Indina Menzel version and she is not amused at the Demi Lovato switch on the soundtrack.

(Baby Girl also pipes in with Let It Go for any song she wants to sing since that’s the only she knows any words to.  Except the Elsa? just before the Do You Want to Build a Snowman song.  You  know it.  Knock, knock, knock.  Elsa?  Cue the song.  Baby girl gets the “Elsa?” every dang time.)

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Please, Disney, please…give me the chance to at least pre-order Frozen Fever.  Give a woman some hope.  I can’t take a 2 year old to Cinderella.  She’s two.  The only time she sits for longer than 7.1 seconds, ever, is when she’s strapped into her carseat or when she’s asleep.  The carseat is frankly requiring special devices because she’s a clever minx.  Surely there is some way under heaven that I can download it now without breaking laws?!?!?!??!

tumblr_ngxy8m3YId1tb8alro1_1280How about if we bargain?  You let me download it now.  I’ll pay you.  I’ll pay you again when it comes out on disc.  Again when my two year old scratches that disc and again when she wants the Frozen Fever versions of the dolls?  Because come on.  She’ll probably get the costumes, 8 t-shirts, 2 hoodies, and 813 stuffies.  And the dolls.  For the love….TAKE MY MONEY.

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Take my money and save me.  Save us all.

Oh heeeeyyyyyy……have you heard?!?!??!?!?!  Frozen 2?  Dudes.  In 2018, my girls will be 4 and 5 or 5 and 6 depending on the time of year.  I am so damn excited.  There will be popcorn, treats, sodas….whatever.  The date has been SET, it’s going to be epic, and if anyone other than me takes them, I will (LITERALLY) slit their throats.  I mean…a movie we already love, getting a sequel, during the HEIGHTH of princess phase?  Shut. The. Front. Door!  The only thing better would have been growing up while the Harry Potter books were coming out.  Because…obv.

~Amanda

PS–Tangled is a better movie.  Baby Girl likes it *almost* as much.  And it’s true that Olaf wins all sidekicks ever.  But Rapunzel saves Flynn while Flynn saves Rapunzel back.  And there’s that powerful moment when Gothel dies and even though she totally just put Rapunzel in chains and stabbed her love, Rapunzel is still like…Mom!  Or when Gothel tracks down Rapunzel who’s out partying and finds her literally dancing on bars.  Or during the lantern part.  Doesn’t it just kill you 11,000 viewings later when Flynn still doesn’t get to kiss Rapunzel there?  Goodness.  Besides the visual of that scene is just beautiful.  What I would give to see something like that in real life.  And what about those silent, terrible, grieving parent moments?  The ones where they ache for their daughter even though they’re King and Queen and live in a palace?  It doesn’t matter.  They need their baby back.  Their pain is tangible even though they’re cartoons.  They don’t know where their baby is.  They don’t know if she’s okay.  They only know she was stolen and that with all their power, they can not find her.  And that moment at the end where they haul Flynn into the family hug and adopt him perfectly with that one move?? Tangled is a better movie.  Amanda wants a Tangled sequel for Amanda.  For my girls, I want Frozen.  For me, Tangled.  Even though it is perfect as it is.

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In my opinion, it is the best princess movie that Disney has made and, quite frankly, that shocks book-loving-me to the core.  I mean, I loved Ariel until Belle came along.  And as I look back, I realize that Belle is no longer my girl.  I still love her, of course.  And her movie, with the scary beast parts, is too much for Baby Girl whose options are pretty limited.  I can not WAIT for the day when I can pop it in and not worry over my Baby Girl.  (Both of them really since by the time #1 will be ready, #2 will need some more time.  I mean Baby Girl’s movies are basically Cinderella, The Little Mermaid (which is also scary but doesn’t phase Baby Girl.  Probably because she doesn’t slow down long enough to watch the sea witch go all skeleton-y), Sleeping Beauty, Tangled, and Frozen.  Oh, and the Tinkerbell movies.  Those are FANTASTIC.  Boyo gets his mix but then Baby Girl doesn’t slow down at all, so it doesn’t do for the distraction while Mommy folds clothes or makes mac n’ cheese.  Y’know?

I have too deep thoughts on all of these movies.  Cinderella is also almost perfect.  Except marrying the prince is like marrying a plastic doll who can’t remember your face and needs a shoe to hunt you down.  I hope the live action solves that problem.  But, the art and shading in the original, hand-drawn movies is astounding.

Sleeping Beauty…I mean…they sing a song, it’s true love, and then you find out that you’re parents are alive and your caretakers have been lying to you your whole life and you’re hung up on the song-guy?  What-the-ever.  It’s the LIES, sister that need to have you reeling.  (I believe we’ve established that people are lie-holes, so possibly Briar Rose had already been through a Nigerian-Romance-Scam and wasn’t surprised??! )

The Little Mermaid…Oh Eric…people can lose their voices.  Lets follow the sequence of events.  1) You’re on a ship.  2) You learn about mermaids.  3) Your ship goes down.  4) You are miraculously swum to shore by a hot girl with a pretty voice.  5)  You find a hot girl, in a sheet, on the shore who can’t speak but no one is LOOKING FOR HER  Plus later, she has a pink dress and red hair.  Every land girl would have hesitated over that.  You know?  Oh and she brushes her hair with a fork and has a crab in her pocket and doesn’t know what a pipe is…these are the things that I don’t know…a fish wouldn’t know.  6)  Come on Eric…you can do it….make the leap.  Make it!  Oh you can’t??!?!?!  You either don’t have the imagination or the brain capacity?  Ariel, my fishy sister, you can do better.  He’s the first human you saw who wasn’t a gross sailor, keep looking.

What I’m saying here is that I need some more movies in between the above you know?  Because I’m over-deconstructing them.  They’re stories written for two to 12 year olds and me.  They’re intended to capture an audience that deserves stories that aren’t scary, don’t have complicated back story they can’t understand, and that are well-done.  They need and deserve stories that people have made just for them.  Ones with beautiful music because they deserve it.  And funny little animals because that makes 2-year-olds happy.  And with jokes they can get.  And with pretty dresses because dresses make many a 2-year-old feel pretty.  And with shoes because they’re discovering shoes and feet and seeing a glass slipper or one made of ice makes them stand in awe.  And with love and kindness because that’s what those 2 year olds deserve in their lives even if all of them aren’t as protected as they should be.  And Disney does a damn good job of filling that need for that precious audience.

I have to say…the Tinkerbell movies, Tangled, and Frozen stand up.  Bless them!  They stand up to a million-gabadillion viewings.

PPS–Still reading Catch-22.  The odd construction is awesome and also makes my writer brain hurt.  I don’t know what I’ll read next.  Since it’ll probably be April maybe another Steinbeck?  I mean, I gotta get my classic a month in early just in case.

PPPS — Baby Girl is currently singing Let It Go to herself right now.  She really only knows those three words, so she sings them again and again.  She’s sick and coughy, so it’s this raspy little baby girl voice singing, “Let It Go!” Cough.  “Let It Goooo!”  Cough.  It’s adorable and precious and I am constantly amazed that she calls me Mommy and loves me.  I never knew you could love like I love Baby Girl and her siblings.

 

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