I’m still considering watching the movies. Especially the Barbie one. So…prepare for that if I ever get around to it. I’ll definitely give you a review should I do so. Maybe also prepare for me to…kinda hate it. Except for 12 Dancing Princesses, Barbie moves are on my list. But, time to watch movies is a lot harder to come by than time to listen to audio books, so don’t hold your breath.
Anyhoo, back to the book, *SPOILERS** you’d think a guy who had so many mistresses wouldn’t hate women so much. Or maybe fear them? But it was predictable in its way. I mean as soon as you knew poor Constance was married you had to know that she was going to never be happy with D’Artagnan–even though her husband was a super jerkhole.
You know what made me laugh out loud? Lady de Winter was a former nun or whatever. She totally was like eff these vows, I’m going to take the priest I’m boffing down and then start out on a life of villainy. But what was even funnier?
Her end in the book:
Then they saw from the other bank the executioner raise both his arms slowly; a moonbeam fell upon the blade of the large sword. The two arms fell with a sudden force; they heard the hissing of the scimitar and the cry of the victim, then a truncated mass sank beneath the blow.
The executioner then took off his red cloak, spread it upon the ground, laid the body in it, threw in the head, tied all up by the four corners, lifted it on his back, and entered the boat again.
In the middle of the stream he stopped the boat, and suspending his burden over the water cried in a loud voice, “Let the justice of God be done!” and he let the corpse drop into the depths of the waters, which closed over it.
Three days afterward the four Musketeers were in Paris; they had not exceeded their leave of absence, and that same evening they went to pay their customary visit to M. de Treville.
“Well, gentlemen,” said the brave captain, “I hope you have been well amused during your excursion.”
“Prodigiously,” replied Athos in the name of himself and his comrades.
You see Athos is her husband. And he described her death as amusing. Oh….. that’s sad for her and her villany. Plus she gets her head chopped off and tossed into a river. That’s always a fun end. But mostly, you know what I love about this book? It’s over.
So here’s my recommendation regarding it. SEE THE MOVIE.
I, me, book girl, the book is always better girl JUST TOLD YOU TO SEE THE MOVIE.
My friends, Hell Just Froze Over. But should you decide to actually read the book before the end of days, maybe go ahead and get the abridged version. Because there were times of utter-fun. In fact, I totally was digging the book about 1/3 of the way through. Then it started to drag on until I literally forced myself to finish it.
But why, why would I make myself finish it when I have so little time to read? Well, I’ll tell you. Heart of Darkness.
Does that not make sense to you?
I understand, but you see as an English Major, I took lit class after lit class. And because Heart of Darkness is super, super short. I had to read that damn book over and over again. Literally, I read it like 6 or 7 times in college. And for the first 5 times, my feelings could be well described in the idea of “shoot me now.” I hated that book. I hated the stupid Congo, I hated the rotten hippo, I hated those poor abused cannibals. And yet… by the 6th time, I was thinking–this is a damn good book.
So there’s the story morning glory, books that are well-loved over generations. For hundred of years, maybe deserve a little more of a chance than that self-pubbed book I bought for .99 or that YA book I bought off the bargain rack. I DON’T have enough time in my life to finish a recently published book that isn’t making it with me. Because, there isn’t generations of readers who are saying, maybe you should give this another go.
But I do have enough time to credit generations of readers with enough reason to say–this book is fun. And honestly, The Three Musketeers is fun. It’s adventurous, funny, self-deprecating. It’s just too long, the villain didn’t do anything for me, and I’m not a fan of adventurous jerkholes who are loved for their high-jinx and forgiven for being dicks. D’Artagnan and the Three Muskeeteers could easily have been described as the self-important adventures of four players, their servants, and their general douche-baggery. But then again, when D’Artagnan was having a duel with all of them on the same day, I was kinda loving it.
How’s that for a bi-polar review? Why don’t you just shut up, read it yourself, and make your own choice? Just kidding, do what you want. Not everyone made a promise to themselves, years ago, about continuing to read classics while also feeling guilty for not reading the ones I was paying thousands of dollars to read with others and enrich my mind.*
*i actually kept my syllabi with the intention of making sure I read every book I skipped over. Why? Because I’m a book girl, I love literature, and why wouldn’t I?